One of my first and favorite memories is when I was about 18 months old. I was in my daddy's arms and he had Stevie Wonder's "Songs In The Key of Life" playing. My hands were grabbing his face and he was looking back at me through those Coke-bottle glasses and was singing "Isn't She Lovely" to me while shuffling around the living room, the way one does while holding something precious. My mommy stood in the kitchen with a big smile on her face, the identical twin of the smile I wear today, while she continued making dinner. I remember there being a moment that I felt something in my heart that I didn't understand at my young age. All I knew, was that it made me happier than ever before and at that moment I leaned back and closed my eyes with a smile while my dad held me tight and spun in circles.
What I felt was pure, genuine, unlimited... love.
Shortly thereafter, when I was 2 1/2, my parents followed suit of 50% of married couples in America and divorced. I never saw or heard my parents fight, nor did I ever feel any type of tension between the two of them. I never felt anything but love from them both and until my eighth grade year I had no clue why my parents had even divorced. Though I was oblivious to the ways of adulthood love and its complications, I never truly had a problem with the fact that my parents were no longer "one". They always remained a team, despite being remarried to new people along the way.
I REALLY didn't want to turn this into a "My parents were divorced and this is what I went through" deal. I guess where I was going with all of this is that I have felt genuine LOVE for as long as I can remember and I find it astonishing that a person like me who can remember the feeling of love my entire life can not really understand it until JUST now. I am entirely thankful that I was raised by two human beings who have shown me nothing but unwavering affection because it taught me to love at a very young age. It taught me to feel compassion for my fellow man (or child). They showed me that it is possible to share my love with others. My parents made me the bleeding heart hippy I am today (so blame THEM if you have a problem with it)!
As a young adult I went a long time giving love and never receiving it back and as a result of that, I forgot how to love myself. How can someone who remembers being a baby forget something as simple as love? It blew my mind. I spent quite a bit of time refilling my heart because I hadn't FORGOTTEN how to love, I had just given it all away. I spent my nights alone writing my memories of the love I felt as a young child and it all came back to me. I remembered that I am loved and that I can love myself either way!
These days, I have a man who shows me the same unwavering love that I grew up with and it has been quite a roller coaster ride learning the dance steps to a healthy relationship. But we have something so beautiful and real and honest and everyday we make it a point to SHOW each other how much we love the other. We're walking, hand in hand, into the world of spirituality and trying to grow and learn together. I thank my lucky stars every night for having someone so incredible who loves me for being my ridiculous self. Though I feel he and I would have found each other some way or another in our lives no matter what, I am so grateful that I had a family that taught me the most important thing in life.
L.O.V.E.
